Tuesday, February 23, 2010
It's not often that we decide to look at fear and say (as Pink sings in Glitter in the Air) "I just don't care". So what that fear is present and up in your face, so what that you (fear) don't want me to have me,or so what that that I'm scared. Fear is very real opportunity to practice be your real you. On occasion we have powered through fear, gotten tough but that's not sustainable and not very practical. Fear doesn't diminish in the face of toughness it requires something far more subtle. Let's not get ahead of ourselves
Who are you if you are not your fear?
Who are you, really? Who's in charge of your identity; your ego or your soul? Who would you be without your current affiliation (and affliction) of your identity? Is it possible that your identity has been stolen and you've not been notified? How attached how are you to you're identity as a mother, your job/career, as being fat or slim, athlete, male, female, spiritual, religious and none of the above, to being smart, or perhaps being right (my personal favorite)?
How do you know if you are really you or the thief? The one who steals your identity works in the bright light of the day, distracts you with images of innocence and speaks of concern about your welfare.
I have more questions than answers, that is for sure; but what I do believe is that we need to call into question who we are being to experience who we truly are. It is not an easy process which is why we need to lean into courage. You know what courage means don't you: to be of heart, that's right. To lead with heart.
I believe this is the year to experience great courage; to know deep down in your bones who you really are and to rejoice in that knowing. And with any luck you'll have to do it (transform) over and and over again. With any luck something will touch you, tickle you, bug you and you will once again question who is in charge. Why this year? Because these past few years we have the rugged pulled from underneath us. With the economic crisis feeling very personal I've wondered who am I without my income? What a wonderful time. You mess with my money and you got my attention. Of course this extends beyond finances.... if we let it.
Looking underneath the rug
When we allow ourselves to see what's under the rug true discovery can occur. To stare into the dark and dare to see it is a salvation of sorts.
There is vulnerability is releasing the thief, and in the discovery. Not the "I'm open to attack" kind of vulnerability but I am available to others, no more facade or armor. This is actually invulnerability. Nothing to preserve and therefore nothing to attach. How does that contemporary saying go: "don't start none; won't be none". The ego always starts something because it wants obligatory employment. This requires a stand, a core inner knowing of who you are - not a human will tough it out but a soft relaxed, loosen the jaw, drop the attack stance and lean into your deepest inner knowing of who you really are. We must remember who we are before we were told we were something/someone else. As my friend the poet, Juliet Clancy says "before my childhood was interrupted". It's helpful to know what is at stake for you.
I work with clients who want that something more; that spiritual integrity that perhaps their current job or life has required, until now, to sacrifice. In order to experience that level of integrity one has to deal with the loss of a false identity to embrace the true one. Your real you - your soul will never ask you to sacrifice anything. You don't have to even believe in it just don't believe in the ego.
I find the best way to remember who I was before I was interrupted is to close my eyes and quietly listen to the voice inside that makes feel the power of love. This voice isn't loud. It will never compete with the volume of the ego but it is there quietly awaiting my return.
My elder Pablo always says "this way, the red road, is not easy". He means that we have to consistently be able to hear who is speaking, the ego or the soul and that requires a willing, albeit fearful, person.
All I'm saying (very unpoetically) is that someone is knocking; know who or what is on the other side and then decide how to answer.
Until next time I wish for you all the love you can stand.